Some information you may need to know in order to make sense of my ramblings. This will be updated as and when I write something so utterly ridiculous that it needs further explanation, in order for people to understand what the piss I'm going on about.
Eggplant
The newspaper-reading media company I work for as a Product Leader.
Happy, Sneezy, Dopey, Grumpy, Sleepy, Bashful, Doc
These are seven quite famous dwarves. I've not been in relationships with any of these. Although not for the want of trying.
Scrappy, Bolly, Furby, Fuzzy, Sharpy, Humpy, Daisy
These are seven of my previous gentlemen callers. I've been in relationships with all of these. And to keep their identities secret, I have given them these rather 'affectionate' nicknames. For reasons best known to myself.
Also, if I'm writing about one particular Ex, I'd hate them to read this, see their real name written down, and discover what I REALLY thought of them - as opposed to what I probably told them at the time, which is that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with them.
It means I can say anything I want, safe in the knowledge that no-one knows who they really are. Brilliant. Sharpy, you were a cunt. Ha ha ha ha... See what I mean? Oh, hours of fun.
Sid's Dead Dad
The highly-pretty, always watchable Peter Capaldi (of The Thick Of It fame)
Wilfred Brambell
Not actually Wilfred Brambell, but Phil Davies, who played him in a recent BBC drama and hasn't been believable in anything on TV since. I just keep seeing him as the 'Dirty Old Man'.
Peter Firth
Plays Harry in BBC1's Spooks. He also has a massive penis.
Assumpta Fitzgerald
Dervla Kirwin - Voice of M&S adverts, former Ballykissangel star and Mrs Rupert Penry-Jones. The lucky bitchwhore.
Assumpta Fitzgerald
Dervla Kirwin - Voice of M&S adverts, former Ballykissangel star and Mrs Rupert Penry-Jones. The lucky bitchwhore.
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