Doctor Who Watch #13

The Waters Of Mars by RTD OBE & Phil Ford

I must confess to getting a tad bored with writing these reviews. I can only sympathise with those who, therefore, end up reading them. Composing these Doctor Who blogs have turned into a bit of a chore. Mainly because watching the last couple of episodes were a bit of a chore. There just didn't seem to be any passion in them, therefore there was no passion when I came to write about them.

The Next Doctor was a bubble-faced fish away from being The Doctor's Daughter. Planet Of The Dead was an entertaining romp, but an agreeable way to spend an hour is not what I look for in an episode of Doctor Who. I look for tears and drama and excitement and heartbreak and Catherine Tate and genius baddies and something, somewhere that rings true with every day life. If I wanted a harmless hour of fun, I'd fuck another puncture into my inflatable sex doll.

Vince. His name is Vince.

No... What I look for in an hour of Doctor Who is something that will stir some emotion in me. Not just a feeling of ambivalence.

So there I was, merrily watching The Waters Of Mars, enjoying many aspects of it and mentally noting them down ready for the chore of writing this blog:

Oooh... Look, there's a fairly attractive young man operating the silly little robot. Must give him a name check.

Jesus - Is this Gadget Gadget Gadget thing for real?! Did RTD OBE learn nothing from the tragic Jar Jar Binks?!

Love the joke of Bowie Base One. (As in Life On Mars. Geddit? Aren't they funny?!)

I was thoroughly enjoying the episode, but still feeling slightly ambivalent towards it; it had stirred nothing in me, other than a quick erection when Roman TwinkyBollocks came on screen. An erection that just as quickly went away when that fucking robot felt then need to say his own name another seven times.

But then something amazing happened: The Doctor walked away.

Up until that point, it had been a typical 'Base Under Siege' story that had been done many times before (Impossible Planet, 42, Doctor's Daughter...) where the Doctor quips his way to victory and saves those who were otherwise destined to die. But this time, he turns and he walks away.

He knows that - no matter how sexy and glorious Lindsay Duncan is - he must let her, and everyone else on that base die.

The scene where he walks away from the base, listening to the chaos via the medium of spacesuit, is heartbreaking. Finally some emotion from these damned 'Specials'. The single droplet landing on Roman's cheek killed me. "Just one drop." It was beautifully done.

And once you got over the fact that her name sounds like someone phlegming up a small hedgehog, the death of Steffi Ehrlich was just as poignant. The moment the water hit her back as she watched videos of her children, and she just sobbed with inevitability... Oh, it was brilliant. Totally brilliant. Not only does Graham Harper remind me of Badger from Wind In The Willows, he also reminds me - at times like these - what a fantastic director he is.

Seriously, though. Badger. Wind In The Willows. No? Just me?

The water-gushing, hosepipe-ban-inducing 'monsters' were eerie and reminded me of the Weeping Angels in just how effective they were as the villains of the piece. Especially the line by Sexy Don Gilet's ex-wife and rake-magnet: "We should like that world." Actually quite spine-tingling. But it was never about the monsters. It was never really about saving the earth.

From the speech about Pompeii to Lindsay Duncan's begging for help, as soon as The Doctor steps into that airlock to walk away, this became more than just another episode. It was amazing in every way - The story, the script, the direction, the acting...

Better known as Robert Lindsay's dry-hump and Ruth Evershed's gun-wielding Diana-obsessed mentalist sister-in-law, Sir Lindsay Duncan was completely perfect in the role of Adelaide and joins Annette Badland and Penelope Wilton in a list of Middle-Aged Doctor Who Guest Stars That I Want To Touch In Bad Ways. (Now there's an idea for a blog!)

Couple of things jarred - The scene with the Dalek seemed completely pointless and was clearly made on the cheap. Maybe by a Blue Peter competition winner? And also... Sorry, did the Doctor just say: "I loved you for that." What? He can say it to Adelaide, but he can't say it to Rose Tyler, the ACTUAL love of his life? That's just silly.

But it's a little bit naughty of me to even give a shit about that when the rest of the episode was so powerful. And in saving pretty Ms Duncan, and changing the future, The Doctor finally loses it. For five minutes at the end of the episode, he has turned into The Master. He thinks the laws of time and space should be his. It's a genuinely shocking moment when he refers to himself as the "Time Lord Victorious" and talks of saving "some little people"... We share Ms Duncan's disgust, and we know he's gone too far.

Her suicide is the only way this story could have ended, and gives The Doctor the slap around the face he so rightly deserves. T'was sexy to see an Ood appearing at the end of the episode, although I have no idea what he was doing there, other than making my pants wet. Can't wait to see where RTD OBE is taking the Doctor next. Surely it can't be as dark as where he took him in this installment?

Total Score: NINE out of TEN

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Things... #3

THINGS THAT MAKE ME SMILE

SPOOKS

After years of campaigning (by which, I mean, years of ranty blogs lamenting the loss of the finest character of the series) I've finally got my wish: Ruth Evershed has returned to Spooks. Just writing that sentence makes me smile. It's taken three years of desperately hoping, but finally, my wishes have been fulfilled.

Not sure I like the fact that she married someone else - she should have been sat at home, spending every day missing Peter Firth (and his massive one) - but it was so good to see her again. And Harry being responsible for Mr Evershed's death (while Ruth tragically looked on, causing me to well up slightly) means there will be a nice lot of tension between the two characters in episodes to come.

I love Harry and Ruth together. They just work. It's the furtive glances and pauses and subtleness of it all that makes it so believable. 90% of communication is unspoken - It's all in the eyes. That's what makes them so real as a 'couple'. Most programmes would feel the need to have dialogue explaining it - "Yes, there's a crisis going on and I AM trying to stop these terrorists from blowing up the whole world, but by God, I really want to jump your bones" - but for Spooks, a look in the right direction is enough.

"Something wonderful that was never said..."

Best show on TV at the moment.



THINGS THAT MAKE ME FROWN

SPOOKS
They give with one hand, they take with the other. Sexy Malcolm resigned in the first episode. While I'm thankful he didn't die at the hands of the world's softest villian - "Oh, he told a nice little story about a dog, I'll spare his life, go home, put my feet up, maybe listen to some Enya..." - I'm gutted that he's left the series. I hope he'll be back. Maybe it'll take another three years of wishing and hoping and preying. It worked for Ruth Evershed.

That said, his replacement is fit as fuck.

Just thought I'd throw that into the mix. Carry on. As you were.

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