Best laid plans, and all that jazz...
I've been so busy working, sleeping, eating, working, sleeping, eating, spending money on Peppa Pig and her various chums, watching sexiful people with secrets in Desperate Housewives, writing up scripts, going on holidays to Germany, losing at Monopoly Deal, calling people Shirley as they bring me over my next curry, poncing around in Swanley and touching my cock and balls that I completely forgot I was supposed to be reviewing the new series of Doctor Who.
I can't imagine I'll get told off. Does anyone care enough to chastise? I highly doubt it. But I'm metaphorically self-flagellating at my inexcusable lack of episode evaluation. How could I forget something that brings me such joy and pleasure and a bit of a semi?
Although truth be told, I'm only writing this now because I've been stood up. By a non-entity with a surprisingly unflattering winkle and a bizarre eyelid twitch. And he smells of Scotch Eggs.
Bitter, moi? No. See if I care. I've got a picture of Luke Pasqualino naked saved to my 'Folder Of Much Naughty Prettiness' so I'm sorted for tonight. Didn't like him anyway. Cunt...
But stood up I have indeed been (Can't think why - I'm a lovely) so with no back-up plans, I'm resorting to this... Writing shit about Doctor Who.
The Eleventh Hour by Steven Moffat
"You're Scottish - Fry something!"
I was nervous. I admit to feeling nervous. Which is stupid, given that this is just a TV show. But it's a TV show that has meant a lot to me since it returned in 2005 - the year of which we shall not speak - and, as a result, it will always have a special place in my heart.
I was nervous that I wouldn't like the 'NEW WHO'. A new Doctor I could cope with - I'd already fallen in love with Matt Smith after seeing Party Animals - but EVERYTHING seemed to be new. From the Head Honcho - now Mr Moffat Esq - to the choice of directors (Where be Euros Lyn? Come back, Euros Lyn. How I loved your name!)
There was even a bizarre new sticker on the door of the TARDIS and the pointlessly new sonic. EVERYTHING was changing.
I'm scared of change. And there were A LOT of changes to take on board. I was worried that it would feel like a completely different show; no longer the show I've loved since 2005. Hence the nerves.
I've been so busy working, sleeping, eating, working, sleeping, eating, spending money on Peppa Pig and her various chums, watching sexiful people with secrets in Desperate Housewives, writing up scripts, going on holidays to Germany, losing at Monopoly Deal, calling people Shirley as they bring me over my next curry, poncing around in Swanley and touching my cock and balls that I completely forgot I was supposed to be reviewing the new series of Doctor Who.
I can't imagine I'll get told off. Does anyone care enough to chastise? I highly doubt it. But I'm metaphorically self-flagellating at my inexcusable lack of episode evaluation. How could I forget something that brings me such joy and pleasure and a bit of a semi?
Although truth be told, I'm only writing this now because I've been stood up. By a non-entity with a surprisingly unflattering winkle and a bizarre eyelid twitch. And he smells of Scotch Eggs.
Bitter, moi? No. See if I care. I've got a picture of Luke Pasqualino naked saved to my 'Folder Of Much Naughty Prettiness' so I'm sorted for tonight. Didn't like him anyway. Cunt...
But stood up I have indeed been (Can't think why - I'm a lovely) so with no back-up plans, I'm resorting to this... Writing shit about Doctor Who.
The Eleventh Hour by Steven Moffat
"You're Scottish - Fry something!"
I was nervous. I admit to feeling nervous. Which is stupid, given that this is just a TV show. But it's a TV show that has meant a lot to me since it returned in 2005 - the year of which we shall not speak - and, as a result, it will always have a special place in my heart.
I was nervous that I wouldn't like the 'NEW WHO'. A new Doctor I could cope with - I'd already fallen in love with Matt Smith after seeing Party Animals - but EVERYTHING seemed to be new. From the Head Honcho - now Mr Moffat Esq - to the choice of directors (Where be Euros Lyn? Come back, Euros Lyn. How I loved your name!)
There was even a bizarre new sticker on the door of the TARDIS and the pointlessly new sonic. EVERYTHING was changing.
I'm scared of change. And there were A LOT of changes to take on board. I was worried that it would feel like a completely different show; no longer the show I've loved since 2005. Hence the nerves.
Luckily, these nerves went away the moment the first episode began; the moment the Eleventh Doctor found himself facing circumcision by Big Ben, in a great visual gag that made me do a laugh. And then came the excellently creepy, gothic, Addams-Family-Styleeee titles, and a newly-tweaked theme tune that gave the familiar little ditty a somewhat ethereal quality. Little bit mysterious.
Already the show was beginning to feel different. The tone was different; the look; the feel. But it was still, somehow, reassuringly the same.
The same. But better.
I loved the RTD OBE era, and was hooked from the very first episode. But as an opener; a series 'reboot'... A point for new viewers to join and not feel like they've missed 40-odd years of 'Other Stuff'... It was a million times better than Rose.
It was funnier, it was more confident and it had a proper villain instead of a non-English speaking orange blob. It didn't have Graham Norton talking over the first five minutes. It didn't have Mark Benton. It was a brilliant 'stepping-on' point for newbies, and a pitch-perfect way of introducing the multitude of changes to stubborn David Tennant fans. It's a cliche, but by the end of the episode, it really was a case of "David who?!"
Matt Smith was fantastic. Even in the first ten or so minutes, where he spits out various foodstuffs as if he were a Chuckle Brother dicking around on CBeebies. Immature and clearly aimed at kids... I pissed myself!
"Beans are evil. Bad, bad beans"
The introduction of Amy POND as the companion - Doctor meets her as a kiddie, says he'll be back in five minutes, returns in twelve YEARS to find she's all tits-and-legs-and-kiss-o-gram - is nothing short of genius.
And quite poignant. Imagine what that would do to YOU? Waiting all that time; wondering if you'd imagined it? Wondering why even your imaginary friend has let you down?! No wonder she sunk her teeth into four different psychologists!
The sight of little Amelia POND sitting on her suitcase, while Evil-Genius-Composer-Man Murray Gold assaults your ears with music of hope, only for that hope to fade when morning comes... It kills me every time, that scene. Genius.
The story itself? Prisoner Zero has escaped through a crack in Miss POND's room. The big space EYEBALL in a flying snowflake is going to torch the earth unless Prisoner Zero surrenders. Prisoner Zero disguises itself as Sophie from Peep Show and The Shining Twins. The Doctor has the whole world sending the message of 'ZERO' to indicate to MR EYEBALL where the naughty little alien can be found and captured. Doctor saves the Earth. Again.
The solution - the whole 'ZERO' thing - reminded me of The Last Of The Time Lords, where everyone revives the Doctor from his wrinkled-parrot appearance merely by uttering the word 'Doctor'. But while that was shit, and probably the least-convincing resolution to a plot EVER, this actually made sense and worked really well. As did so much else about this episode...
Frosty Bitch-Faced Greyhound Enthusiast, Annette Crosbie, turned in a distinctly underwhelming cameo, but Lord Nina Wadia was brilliant, as always. And Rory, the nurse we first see her ticking off, looks set to play a bigger part in proceedings. The Mickey Smith of 2010. And while I don't want to lick every inch of his hot, naked body in the same way that I may, possibly, perhaps have wanted to do with Mickey Smith, I can't help but admire his genius sense of comic timing.
The comedy in this episode as a whole, actually, was BRILLIANT. I don't think I've laughed this much since Unicorn And The Wasp. I loved the internet porn jokes - "Get a girlfriend, Jeff" - and the way "WHO DA MAN?!" fell flat on its face a little bit.
And: "Did he just save the world from aliens and then call the aliens back?!"
BRILLIANT! And once he HAD called the aliens back, there was the confrontation on the roof that confirmed what we'd all been thinking for the 45-minute previous to this: Matt Smith IS now the Doctor. It may be too early to tell, but based on this performance, Lord Smith has certainly earned his place alongside those other ten faces that flashed up courtesy of the EYEBALL's databank.
PLUS he got his nipples out, which automatically makes him my favourite Doctor!
The twist at the end... Turning up late again, taking Amy with him, but in the time he's been away, she's gone and got engaged and her wedding is TOMORROW...Talk about cliffhangers! Is there any way this episode could possibly have been any better?!
Other than Matt Smith showing more than just his nipplettes? Probably not.
Total Score: TEN out of TEN
-
Already the show was beginning to feel different. The tone was different; the look; the feel. But it was still, somehow, reassuringly the same.
The same. But better.
I loved the RTD OBE era, and was hooked from the very first episode. But as an opener; a series 'reboot'... A point for new viewers to join and not feel like they've missed 40-odd years of 'Other Stuff'... It was a million times better than Rose.
It was funnier, it was more confident and it had a proper villain instead of a non-English speaking orange blob. It didn't have Graham Norton talking over the first five minutes. It didn't have Mark Benton. It was a brilliant 'stepping-on' point for newbies, and a pitch-perfect way of introducing the multitude of changes to stubborn David Tennant fans. It's a cliche, but by the end of the episode, it really was a case of "David who?!"
Matt Smith was fantastic. Even in the first ten or so minutes, where he spits out various foodstuffs as if he were a Chuckle Brother dicking around on CBeebies. Immature and clearly aimed at kids... I pissed myself!
"Beans are evil. Bad, bad beans"
The introduction of Amy POND as the companion - Doctor meets her as a kiddie, says he'll be back in five minutes, returns in twelve YEARS to find she's all tits-and-legs-and-kiss-o-gram - is nothing short of genius.
And quite poignant. Imagine what that would do to YOU? Waiting all that time; wondering if you'd imagined it? Wondering why even your imaginary friend has let you down?! No wonder she sunk her teeth into four different psychologists!
The sight of little Amelia POND sitting on her suitcase, while Evil-Genius-Composer-Man Murray Gold assaults your ears with music of hope, only for that hope to fade when morning comes... It kills me every time, that scene. Genius.
The story itself? Prisoner Zero has escaped through a crack in Miss POND's room. The big space EYEBALL in a flying snowflake is going to torch the earth unless Prisoner Zero surrenders. Prisoner Zero disguises itself as Sophie from Peep Show and The Shining Twins. The Doctor has the whole world sending the message of 'ZERO' to indicate to MR EYEBALL where the naughty little alien can be found and captured. Doctor saves the Earth. Again.
The solution - the whole 'ZERO' thing - reminded me of The Last Of The Time Lords, where everyone revives the Doctor from his wrinkled-parrot appearance merely by uttering the word 'Doctor'. But while that was shit, and probably the least-convincing resolution to a plot EVER, this actually made sense and worked really well. As did so much else about this episode...
Frosty Bitch-Faced Greyhound Enthusiast, Annette Crosbie, turned in a distinctly underwhelming cameo, but Lord Nina Wadia was brilliant, as always. And Rory, the nurse we first see her ticking off, looks set to play a bigger part in proceedings. The Mickey Smith of 2010. And while I don't want to lick every inch of his hot, naked body in the same way that I may, possibly, perhaps have wanted to do with Mickey Smith, I can't help but admire his genius sense of comic timing.
The comedy in this episode as a whole, actually, was BRILLIANT. I don't think I've laughed this much since Unicorn And The Wasp. I loved the internet porn jokes - "Get a girlfriend, Jeff" - and the way "WHO DA MAN?!" fell flat on its face a little bit.
And: "Did he just save the world from aliens and then call the aliens back?!"
BRILLIANT! And once he HAD called the aliens back, there was the confrontation on the roof that confirmed what we'd all been thinking for the 45-minute previous to this: Matt Smith IS now the Doctor. It may be too early to tell, but based on this performance, Lord Smith has certainly earned his place alongside those other ten faces that flashed up courtesy of the EYEBALL's databank.
PLUS he got his nipples out, which automatically makes him my favourite Doctor!
The twist at the end... Turning up late again, taking Amy with him, but in the time he's been away, she's gone and got engaged and her wedding is TOMORROW...Talk about cliffhangers! Is there any way this episode could possibly have been any better?!
Other than Matt Smith showing more than just his nipplettes? Probably not.
Total Score: TEN out of TEN
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