Runny Yellow News #1

I do believe in a previous entry, I referred to running the Brighton Marathon in April 2011 as an "achievable goal"

There is more chance of Cliff Richard losing his virginity to a woman before his 'tragic' and untimely demise at the age of 107 than there is of me completing this DAMN SILLY RUN in one piece.

I did a delightful run in our fair capital - a route that I shall call Bridges Of London - that took me from Tower Bridge to Westminster, across each and every bridge. According to my Pedometer, the route was six miles.

Six miles for a first run, with no training beforehand? I thought that was pretty okay. Until I got home and realised the Pedometer was set to kilometres, not miles. Piss and shit and bugger.

I'll need to knuckle down and do some proper training if I'm to survive this ordeal. And there's still so much I don't know; still so much to learn.

For example, I only recently discovered that a Pedometer was a little device that tracks the distance you run and the time in which it takes. Previously, I thought I Pedometer looked a little bit like this...

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Doing A RUN

The first word spoken by Lord Christopher Eccleston to Dame Billie of Piper. The song that broke my heart into a thousand different pieces - and helped to put it back together again. The best thing to do if Michael Barrymore invites you to his place for a quick paddle and a rim-job.

RUN

In April 2011, I will be doing a RUN in Brighton. A massive, 26-mile RUN commonly known as a Marathon. Or even more commonly known as a FUCKING RIDICULOUS IDEA!

I haven't achieved much in life. The big, fancy BBC job has yet to materialise. Although if Septic Peg's right about Paradise, then maybe it won't be too long? I live alone, rather than with my husband of five years and our two kids. My life savings stand at a magnificent £5.67. I haven't seduced any members of McFly. I haven't been to New Jersey, or Australia, or Iceland. I'm still too chicken-shit to sky-dive...

All the things I've wanted since, like, FOREVER... And I can't tick any of them off my Important List Of Fings Wot I Want To Achieve.

And quite frankly, none of them seem in the slightest bit realistic from where I'm standing. Especially the husband thing.

In a desperate attempt to have SOMETHING to show for my life, I will be doing a RUN; an actual real-life marathon. It's something I've always wanted to do, and it seems the most achievable goal that I could set myself at this moment in time; the one thing I'm most likely to succeed in. Which will make me feel a tiny, little bit less like a pathetic failure. So that'll be nice.

And who knows... If I manage the full 26-miles without dying, maybe I'll realise that not all of my goals are impossible, and crack on with the husband-luring. Imagine how much Rohypnol I could buy with marathon sponsorship money.

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Doctor Who Watch #Erm...

It has been kindly pointed out to me that I have yet to write a review of the Doctor Who finale. Not a shocking oversight - merely a pressing need to re-watch the episodes in question a couple more times before I can even hope to attempt a critique. General thoughts being:

WTF?!

But WTF in a good way, I hasten to add. In fact, I'm almost 100% certain they were the greatest episodes ever written. Still, though... WTF?!

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