Up there with Jools Holland's Hootenanny as one of those New Year's traditions that just won't FUCK OFF AND DIE... It's time for my annual analysis of all things good, bad, and frighteningly honest over the past twelve months... A year in the life of Lady Jayne McBollock, laid bare for all to see. (I should probably stop doing these soon - I've yet to work out what purpose they actually serve)
What Did You Do In 2010 That You'd Never Done Before?
Met actual NO ANGELS! After all these years, I finally got to see Ludmilla's hair in all its glory! ALSO... Attended a Murder Mystery Party, hosted a dinner party, walked around our fair capital dressed as Fred Flinstone, went on a Monopoly Pub Crawl, visited Birmingham, acquired myself a Personal Trainer - (NOT) Derrick Evans - and... erm... ate mussels.
Did You Keep Your New Year's Resolutions, And Will You Make More For Next Year?
My New Year's Resolution was to make 2010 a 'Year Of Plenty', by way of compensating for the shit-fest that was 2009. I guess I did fairly well with that one. LOTS of drunken exploits, many-a new people coming into my life and livening it up somewhat... A fair few weekends away, some completely random days out (Canvey pissing Island?! WTF?!) and an above-average amount of naughty. All in all, I think I did rather well in 2010. Although there's always room for improvement...
My New Year's Resolution for 2011 is not to be alone for Christmas. I love Christmas. Especially Christmas Eve - It's always better than Christmas Day. But next year, it'd just be nice to wake up with someone on the 25th and do things 'properly'.
Did Anyone Close To You Give Birth?
Nope. And I'm still not having much luck conceiving, either...
Did Anyone Close To You Die?
The lovely Ivy from Spain passed away a couple of days before Christmas, which was a real shame. I liked Ivy. She was always a good laugh. A game old bird with a twinkle in her eye, and very generous with the bits of TAPAS she'd pass me under the table... Rest in peace, Ivy, dear.
What Countries Did You Visit?
Germany (for the first time) and Spain (for about the ninth!)
What Would You Like To Have In 2011 That You Lacked In 2010?
More time, drunken-ness and random trips with my favourite people.
What Date From 2009 Will Remain Etched Upon Your Memory, And Why?
May 22nd. Hands down, best day of the year!
What Was Your Biggest Achievement Of 2010?
Not much to choose from, frankly... Even my promotion to ACTUAL MANAGER was probably down to necessity rather than actual achievement. But hey... The payrise is the same, whether I got the job on merit or purely through being the last one standing. So it troubles me not.
What Was Your Biggest Failure?
Having to give up my PRETTY, PRETTY FLAT... And move back home with the parents was a particular low point.
Did You Suffer Illness Or Injury?
Drunkenly trying to penetrate a bronze statue led to me falling face-first onto the pretty concrete of Birmingham. Luckily the amount of alcohol I'd consumed meant I didn't feel a thing - and now I have a "manly" scar on my forehead, which is a real talking point when I'm trying to score myself some fanny. Yeah. I'm a hard-nut. *Flexes Biceps and GROWLS*
Also spent Boxing Day onwards with a shocking headache, unmoveable neck, small vommy sessions and hilarious lethargy. I wonder if it's a reaction to having to scan broadsheets at work for the first time in FOUR YEARS, despite the fact - and I AM going to pull rank here - that I'm an ACTUAL MANAGER!
What Was The Best Thing You Bought?
Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha... Let's not go there...
Where Did Most Of Your Money Go?
See the answer above! Very much the answer above!
What Did You Get Really, Really Excited About?
Meeting NO ANGELS. So excited, I could have done a massive faint. And very nearly did, after that free shot beforehand...
What Songs Will Always Remind You Of 2010?
Alex Band - Tonight
No Angels - Amaze Me
30 Seconds To Mars - A Beautiful Lie
Train - Hey, Soul Sister
Train - If It's Love
Matt Cardle - The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face
Taylor Swift - Love Story
Tom McRae - Please
Compared To This Time Last Year, Are You:
I - Happier or Sadder? - Happier
II - Thinner or Fatter? - Thinner
III - Richer or Poorer? - Richer
(All in all, a pretty sound result! Best so far, stats fans!!)
What Do You Wish You'd Done More Of?
Bending over? No... I jest. Possibly. Ish. Sort-of. I wish I'd done more travelling; more discovering of new places. RANDOM DAYS OUT AND WEEKENDS AWAY - That's what I want from life!! I wish I'd got up of a morning, grabbed the closest homosexual travelling companion I could find, and headed off to expore random corners of the globe. Like Clacton. Or Cardiff. Or Manchester. All these places I want to go at some point in my lifetime. Maybe that's a second New Year's Resolution for 2011...?
What Do You Wish You'd Done Less Of?
Being honest!
Did You Fall In Love In 2010?
Bite me.
How Many One Night Stands?
Sorry, but it WAS my official 'Year Of Plenty'...!
What Was Your Favourite TV Programme?
Doctor Who returned with a proper series, and a beautiful new Doctor. It feels wrong selecting anything else as my favourite programme, but the series itself left me a little underwhelmed, despite Matt Smith and The POND being completely orgasmic. Spooks had me on the edge of my seat, and it's been a while since I blubbed quite so outrageously as when Ruth Evershed turned Harry down: "We'll never be more together than we are now." BUT... For being one of the very few feel-good programmes that I'll actually acknowledge, and for making me shriek with girly laughter at least five times per episode, my favourite programme of the year would have to be Miranda. Simple, uncomplicated, heart-warming brilliance. Such fun.
Do You Hate Anyone Now That You Didn't Hate This Time Last Year?
Nick Clegg and Frankie Boyle.
What Was The Best Book You Read?
I can't be sure, but I don't think I've read a single book this year. Shocking.
What Was Your Greatest Musical Discovery?
VERY dry year for new music, sadly. Quite liked unearthing 30 Seconds To Mars, but they hardly blew me away like Frankmusik the year before. Mumford & Sons were probably the best new music-y peoples wot I added to my iPod this year. After The Storm makes me weak. Very disappointed I didn't get to see them live. Mainly because I want 75% of them inside me.
What Concerts Did You Go To In 2010?
Saw Tom McRae THREE times this year - "Tom-brella" being a particular highlight. Alex Cornish, Kings Of Leon and ACTUAL NO ANGELS, live in ACTUAL BERLIN!! Amazingly amazing.
What Was Your Favourite Film Of This Year?
Rare Exports! Apart from the fact I got to see 100+ elderly willies swinging around in arctic surroundings (WTF?!) it was probably my favourite film because of the young gent I went to see it with. And the MASSIVE plate of nachos and shit-cheese helped too!
What Did You Want And Get This Year?
A bit more money in my account. Although I did have to depart my pretty Bromley dwellings in order to achieve this. Hey-ho. I'll find somewhere else soon. But for now... SAVE, SAVE, SAVE. Then buy holidays, clothes and alcohol. Then SAVE, SAVE, SAVE again. Then, maybe another holiday? Then SAVE. Then a weekend away - maybe Clacton? Then SAVE, SAVE, etc...
What Did You Want And Not Get This Year?
A 'YES'
What Did You Do On Your Birthday, And How Old Were You?
I was Twenty-Something! I met the McMahon's for a few drinkies and some Tapas, acquired an uplifting book from Jo, went home for a family meal, stayed up eating cheese and watching Arrested Development, before falling asleep on a sofa.
What One Thing Would Have Made Your Year Immeasurably More Satisfying?
As a way of keeping up staff morale after 95% of the Eggplant workforce were made redundant, I would have liked it if my old boss had been dragged back to the office, chained to a radiator and had 430 items of rotting fruit aimed at her spreadsheet-obsessed face. That would have been satisfying.
How Would You Describe Your Personal Fashion Concept In 2010?
"Items wot were purchased in 2009" - Living alone really screws your ability to buy sexy new garments.
What Kept You Sane?
Hope. Hope for the future. Misplaced hope, it turns out. So I'll have to find something else to keep me sane for 2011. Maybe Therapy?!
Which Celebrity/Public Figure Did You Fancy The Most?
Three of the Four McFly gentlemen. God bless their new look... And THAT edition of Attitude magazine!
What Political Issue Stirred You The Most?
Vince Cable putting his foot in it. Not so much the story itself, but the photographs of him the day after the news broke. I mean... What was his HAT all about?!
Who Did You Miss?
Jill Fisher (!)
Who Was The Best New Person You Met?
Michael, Charlie and - more recently - the very pretty Kris!
Tell Us A Valuable Life Lesson You Learned In 2010:
That despite singing the popular Smiths mantra 'Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want' to the God Of Happiness at least four-hundred-and-seventy-ninety-twelve times, erm... it's never going to happen. Ever.
Quote A Song Lyric That Sums Up Your Year:
"On a spinning ball in the middle of space, I love you from your toes to your face..."
What Did You Do In 2010 That You'd Never Done Before?
Met actual NO ANGELS! After all these years, I finally got to see Ludmilla's hair in all its glory! ALSO... Attended a Murder Mystery Party, hosted a dinner party, walked around our fair capital dressed as Fred Flinstone, went on a Monopoly Pub Crawl, visited Birmingham, acquired myself a Personal Trainer - (NOT) Derrick Evans - and... erm... ate mussels.
Did You Keep Your New Year's Resolutions, And Will You Make More For Next Year?
My New Year's Resolution was to make 2010 a 'Year Of Plenty', by way of compensating for the shit-fest that was 2009. I guess I did fairly well with that one. LOTS of drunken exploits, many-a new people coming into my life and livening it up somewhat... A fair few weekends away, some completely random days out (Canvey pissing Island?! WTF?!) and an above-average amount of naughty. All in all, I think I did rather well in 2010. Although there's always room for improvement...
My New Year's Resolution for 2011 is not to be alone for Christmas. I love Christmas. Especially Christmas Eve - It's always better than Christmas Day. But next year, it'd just be nice to wake up with someone on the 25th and do things 'properly'.
Did Anyone Close To You Give Birth?
Nope. And I'm still not having much luck conceiving, either...
Did Anyone Close To You Die?
The lovely Ivy from Spain passed away a couple of days before Christmas, which was a real shame. I liked Ivy. She was always a good laugh. A game old bird with a twinkle in her eye, and very generous with the bits of TAPAS she'd pass me under the table... Rest in peace, Ivy, dear.
What Countries Did You Visit?
Germany (for the first time) and Spain (for about the ninth!)
What Would You Like To Have In 2011 That You Lacked In 2010?
More time, drunken-ness and random trips with my favourite people.
What Date From 2009 Will Remain Etched Upon Your Memory, And Why?
May 22nd. Hands down, best day of the year!
What Was Your Biggest Achievement Of 2010?
Not much to choose from, frankly... Even my promotion to ACTUAL MANAGER was probably down to necessity rather than actual achievement. But hey... The payrise is the same, whether I got the job on merit or purely through being the last one standing. So it troubles me not.
What Was Your Biggest Failure?
Having to give up my PRETTY, PRETTY FLAT... And move back home with the parents was a particular low point.
Did You Suffer Illness Or Injury?
Drunkenly trying to penetrate a bronze statue led to me falling face-first onto the pretty concrete of Birmingham. Luckily the amount of alcohol I'd consumed meant I didn't feel a thing - and now I have a "manly" scar on my forehead, which is a real talking point when I'm trying to score myself some fanny. Yeah. I'm a hard-nut. *Flexes Biceps and GROWLS*
Also spent Boxing Day onwards with a shocking headache, unmoveable neck, small vommy sessions and hilarious lethargy. I wonder if it's a reaction to having to scan broadsheets at work for the first time in FOUR YEARS, despite the fact - and I AM going to pull rank here - that I'm an ACTUAL MANAGER!
What Was The Best Thing You Bought?
Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha... Let's not go there...
Where Did Most Of Your Money Go?
See the answer above! Very much the answer above!
What Did You Get Really, Really Excited About?
Meeting NO ANGELS. So excited, I could have done a massive faint. And very nearly did, after that free shot beforehand...
What Songs Will Always Remind You Of 2010?
Alex Band - Tonight
No Angels - Amaze Me
30 Seconds To Mars - A Beautiful Lie
Train - Hey, Soul Sister
Train - If It's Love
Matt Cardle - The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face
Taylor Swift - Love Story
Tom McRae - Please
Compared To This Time Last Year, Are You:
I - Happier or Sadder? - Happier
II - Thinner or Fatter? - Thinner
III - Richer or Poorer? - Richer
(All in all, a pretty sound result! Best so far, stats fans!!)
What Do You Wish You'd Done More Of?
Bending over? No... I jest. Possibly. Ish. Sort-of. I wish I'd done more travelling; more discovering of new places. RANDOM DAYS OUT AND WEEKENDS AWAY - That's what I want from life!! I wish I'd got up of a morning, grabbed the closest homosexual travelling companion I could find, and headed off to expore random corners of the globe. Like Clacton. Or Cardiff. Or Manchester. All these places I want to go at some point in my lifetime. Maybe that's a second New Year's Resolution for 2011...?
What Do You Wish You'd Done Less Of?
Being honest!
Did You Fall In Love In 2010?
Bite me.
How Many One Night Stands?
Sorry, but it WAS my official 'Year Of Plenty'...!
What Was Your Favourite TV Programme?
Doctor Who returned with a proper series, and a beautiful new Doctor. It feels wrong selecting anything else as my favourite programme, but the series itself left me a little underwhelmed, despite Matt Smith and The POND being completely orgasmic. Spooks had me on the edge of my seat, and it's been a while since I blubbed quite so outrageously as when Ruth Evershed turned Harry down: "We'll never be more together than we are now." BUT... For being one of the very few feel-good programmes that I'll actually acknowledge, and for making me shriek with girly laughter at least five times per episode, my favourite programme of the year would have to be Miranda. Simple, uncomplicated, heart-warming brilliance. Such fun.
Do You Hate Anyone Now That You Didn't Hate This Time Last Year?
Nick Clegg and Frankie Boyle.
What Was The Best Book You Read?
I can't be sure, but I don't think I've read a single book this year. Shocking.
What Was Your Greatest Musical Discovery?
VERY dry year for new music, sadly. Quite liked unearthing 30 Seconds To Mars, but they hardly blew me away like Frankmusik the year before. Mumford & Sons were probably the best new music-y peoples wot I added to my iPod this year. After The Storm makes me weak. Very disappointed I didn't get to see them live. Mainly because I want 75% of them inside me.
What Concerts Did You Go To In 2010?
Saw Tom McRae THREE times this year - "Tom-brella" being a particular highlight. Alex Cornish, Kings Of Leon and ACTUAL NO ANGELS, live in ACTUAL BERLIN!! Amazingly amazing.
What Was Your Favourite Film Of This Year?
Rare Exports! Apart from the fact I got to see 100+ elderly willies swinging around in arctic surroundings (WTF?!) it was probably my favourite film because of the young gent I went to see it with. And the MASSIVE plate of nachos and shit-cheese helped too!
What Did You Want And Get This Year?
A bit more money in my account. Although I did have to depart my pretty Bromley dwellings in order to achieve this. Hey-ho. I'll find somewhere else soon. But for now... SAVE, SAVE, SAVE. Then buy holidays, clothes and alcohol. Then SAVE, SAVE, SAVE again. Then, maybe another holiday? Then SAVE. Then a weekend away - maybe Clacton? Then SAVE, SAVE, etc...
What Did You Want And Not Get This Year?
A 'YES'
What Did You Do On Your Birthday, And How Old Were You?
I was Twenty-Something! I met the McMahon's for a few drinkies and some Tapas, acquired an uplifting book from Jo, went home for a family meal, stayed up eating cheese and watching Arrested Development, before falling asleep on a sofa.
What One Thing Would Have Made Your Year Immeasurably More Satisfying?
As a way of keeping up staff morale after 95% of the Eggplant workforce were made redundant, I would have liked it if my old boss had been dragged back to the office, chained to a radiator and had 430 items of rotting fruit aimed at her spreadsheet-obsessed face. That would have been satisfying.
How Would You Describe Your Personal Fashion Concept In 2010?
"Items wot were purchased in 2009" - Living alone really screws your ability to buy sexy new garments.
What Kept You Sane?
Hope. Hope for the future. Misplaced hope, it turns out. So I'll have to find something else to keep me sane for 2011. Maybe Therapy?!
Which Celebrity/Public Figure Did You Fancy The Most?
Three of the Four McFly gentlemen. God bless their new look... And THAT edition of Attitude magazine!
What Political Issue Stirred You The Most?
Vince Cable putting his foot in it. Not so much the story itself, but the photographs of him the day after the news broke. I mean... What was his HAT all about?!
Who Did You Miss?
Jill Fisher (!)
Who Was The Best New Person You Met?
Michael, Charlie and - more recently - the very pretty Kris!
Tell Us A Valuable Life Lesson You Learned In 2010:
That despite singing the popular Smiths mantra 'Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want' to the God Of Happiness at least four-hundred-and-seventy-ninety-twelve times, erm... it's never going to happen. Ever.
Quote A Song Lyric That Sums Up Your Year:
"On a spinning ball in the middle of space, I love you from your toes to your face..."
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