What an unbelievable pile of shit.
No. Not really. Obviously. It was bloody genius, wasn’t it? How can this man get it SO right with every episode? Now, Mr RTD OBE is great, and has written some wonderful episodes – Boom Town and Doomsday immediately spring to mind. But he’s also been responsible for some rather less sexy pieces – Love & Monsters, that Slitheen two-parter… As much as I love Mr RTD OBE for making Doctor Who the success it is, I cannot wait until 2010, when The Moff takes over as Head Honcho. A whole series from the creative genius that gave us “Are You My Mummy?” and those fabulously macabre Weeping Angels. AND the heartbreakingly perfect Girl In The Fireplace episode. I’m moist just thinking about it. And as long as the Doctor’s Shit Daughter isn’t the new assistant, I’m sure Series Five will be the bestest-est-est ever.
But I’m getting ahead of myself.
Opening with Colin Salmon’s rich, Barry-White-meets-Richard-Hillman-eque voice, you’re instantly drawn into this story. You instantly know there is something suspect about him. You don’t hire Colin Salmon just to play your every day therapist. Although any tension his character creates is instantly undermined by his name. Doctor Moon. For some reason, this made me giggle. Moon? Bum? Bare backsides being waved out of cars? Mooning? No? Just me? Just me picturing a Doctor with a bum for a head? Yes. Well. Moving on…Doctor Moon. Great name. And Colin Salmon was great as this ambiguous (he turned out to be the good guy, right?!) and peculiar character (for he also turned out to be McAfee Security Center in human form).
In fact, almost every aspect of this two-parter was great. From the Nodes, to the brilliant idea of the Doctor meeting someone from his future that he hasn’t yet encountered. From ‘Proper Dave’ and ‘Other Dave’ (utterly pointless, yet wonderful detail!) right down to Moll Flanders’ unfeasibly big hair. All of it genius.
And spoilers… I mean, who wouldn’t have been tempted to look in Moll Flanders’ diary. Would you like to know your own future? Would you? It’s a major question to tackle. There was so much going on, but every idea, every concept was given just the right amount of screen time. Not too much as to over-egg the point. You went away still thinking about it because not everything was black-and-white. And the best thing is that even now, I’m still thinking about it. Would I have looked in that diary? Would I want to know?
One or two criticisms though.
“Hey, Who Turned Out The Lights?” – It worked for “Are You My Mummy?” but it felt a bit too repetitive this time. A bit like Moffat re-using the idea because it worked so well the first time.
Seemingly killing Donna at the end of the first part… What the fuck are you trying to do to me?! I was beside myself with worry for a whole week, waiting for some kind of get-out clause that made her a bit less dead.
Steve Pemberton. In an episode that immerses you in darkness and shadows and fear and down-right creepiness, to suddenly have him turn round and say “Well, you haven’t signed your release form” in his Pauline from the League Of Gentleman voice… It just totally shatters the illusion. Totally breaks any hold the scene has on you as a viewer. I was just waiting for him to bellow out ‘Hokey Cokey Pig In A Pokey’ or start frigging himself over a biro.
But these were minor quibbles. How churlish of me to even bring them up when everything else in this episode was just so amazing.
Miss Evangelista’s death – and ‘ghosting’ – was particularly poignant.
“Don’t tell the others – they’ll only laugh”
Such tragic last words, made even more upsetting by the fact that ‘the others’ all have to listen to this over and over again, and face up to the fact that they made her feel like crap when she was alive. And Donna’s evident anguish at trying to comfort someone who is – to all intents and purposes – already dead, is totally tear-jerking. I certainly got a bit wet around the tear-ducts.
That’s what I love about Doctor Who. The theme of loss. In amongst all the running and the aliens and the time-travel, it’s the human aspects that I truly love. The goodbyes, the heartbreak, the feelings that we all have to deal with everyday, being played out with brutal honesty in between battles with killer pepperpots and tentacle-faced brain-holders. It’s ridiculous. Doctor Who is as far removed from reality as you can get, yet it feels SO real.
It may be a kids’ show. It may be a kids’ science fiction show. But it can explore love and loss even better than adult dramas, sometimes. I’ve certainly never been affected by a drama in quite the same way as Doctor Who.
And these two episodes were some of the most affecting since the series began.
The whole ‘dream life’ of Donna was hilarious at times (“Oh, you’ve got a little stammer there” and “But I’ve been dieting!” being particular favourites), yet it was also terribly upsetting. Catherine Tate was amazing as her whole life unravelled before her eyes. The husband, her children… All gone.
Moll Flanders’ final farewell... GOD, that was so sad as well. (Am I just a cry-baby? Is this stuff actually moving, or am I just a fucking pansy?!) Here she was, saying goodbye to a man she had clearly loved for a long time, yet for him, he had only just met her. He had no idea who she was. The beginning of his relationship with her was the end of her relationship with him. Such a beautiful idea, wonderfully realised. Her goodbye speech, as she sacrificed herself, made me sob like a little baby.
And there was that frankly, horrible moment where Donna leaves the room just as her ‘husband’ tries to call after her. How different things would have been if she’d noticed him. That’s the tragedy of it all. If she’d only turned round at that split-second, maybe she would have been happy. Maybe her life would have been different, and maybe the fate that awaits her in the coming weeks could have been avoided…
Total Score: TEN out of TEN
