Things... #2

THINGS THAT MAKE ME WANT TO RUB MY THIGHS

(LIKE VIC REEVES, BUT OBVIOUSLY IN A LESS-SMUG MANNER...)


SEXY, PRETTY EMAILS
Getting a completely unexpected, out-of-the-blue email from a hero of mine; an icon; someone I am not ashamed to say I love completely; someone I consider to be a genius... Getting an email from this God-like young gentleman that starts with the words: "You total legend" - HE thinks I'M a "total legend" - Oh, I can't tell you the joy that filled me with.


FRANKMUSIK
I am totally in love with Frankmusik. And not just because I want his ball-sack at my beck and call. His debut album - Complete Me - makes me wet with happiness. Especially the title track, which I consider to be a masterpiece. I've owned it for just two weeks, and somehow it's already my 4th most-played song OF ALL TIME according to the statistic-fairies at Last.Fm. Best album of the year so far.

Stand-out tracks: Complete Me (as I may have just mentioned), Three Little Words, Your Boy and In Step. And the line "Even Wonder Woman gets her nails done" makes me smile every time.

Also... (Obsessed much? Me?) FrankMusik's cover versions of It's A Sin and Such Great Heights. B-Sides to Confusion Girl, and well worth spending a penny on. So to speak.


THE ALPHABET OF HURRICANES
The announcement that Mr Tom McRae would be releasing a new album in SEPTEMBER. And he's out making himself a new video. Wow... Don't think we've had one of those since Karaoke Soul. Tissues at the ready.


THE MOFF, GENERALLY BEING A GOD
News that Moll Flanders And Her Big Hair would be returning to Steven Moffat's Doctor Who in the new year. Her "You watch us run" speech in Forest Of The Dead reduced me to a pathetic, sobbing wretch and I sincerly hope her next appearance has a similar effect.


BIG DICKIE
The new boss at work has taken to calling me by a whole host of wonderful names. Behold the following: Big Wayne, Wayney, Dude, Man, Monkey, Gorgeous, Handsome, Superstar and - my personal favourite - Precious. The man's a genius.



THINGS THAT MAKE ME WANT TO STAMP ON A KITTEN

MICHAEL MCINTRYRE
...And his penchant for shouting constantly through the eponymous (and debatable) "comedy" roadshow. Am I the only one that thinks this squinty-eyed goon is complete fanny?


RED TAPE AT WORK
Being put on a 'First Written Warning' at work for daring to call in sick after solidly vomiting for an entire night.


A DISTINCT LACK OF DUTCH
Not seeing Lord Beppe at all while staying in Spain. She LOVES the gays, you know. And every time she talks, she needs to piss.


AND THIS CUNT:

-

This Is The Last Time

Last Cigarette?

Was 1:10am on Monday 10th August (LOL - How's that for precise!)

Last Alcoholic Drink?

A jug of Champagne Sangria in Spain

Last Car Ride?

Around Portsmouth at Silly O'Clock at night, taking in Port Solent, Gunwharf Quays, Southsea, a random 'mountain' and the newest car park in the whole of Pompey!

Last Kiss?

Was 5:45am on Monday 10th August (LOL!)

Last Good Cry?

Last week, when I foolishly watched the season finale of Doctor Who. Poor Catherine Tate. "Binary... Binary... Binary..."

Last Book Bought?

I purchased Alan Carr's autobiography at the airport on my way to Spain.

Last Book Read?
Well, I'm halfway through Alan Carr's book. But before that, the last book I read fully was The Writer's Tale by RTD OBE and his pretty friend from Doctor Who Magazine.

Last Film Seen In Cinema?
Jesus, I haven't seen a film in the cinema since He's Just Not That Into You. So not only did that film put me off ever being with anyone ever again, it also put me off going to the cinema. Genius!

Last Film Rented?
The Boat That Rocked - Film's a bit wank, but Bill Nighy is fantastic (as always) and I want to do very bad and sticky things with Tom Sturridge, so all in all, it was worth the monthly fee from LoveFilm.com!

Last Swear Word Used?
"Shit"

Last Food Consumed?
Big, dirty, greasy kebab. T'was beautiful.

Last Crush?
In real life, my lips are sealed. But in the celebrity world, where do I start?! Frankmusik, probably. But tomorrow's another day...

Last Phone Call?
Was a conference call between Big Dickie, Big Debbie and myself regarding some work I've been doing for a new client. It was a largely positive call, until I was told to pretty much redo everything I had given them. A fun weekend of paperwork and spreadsheets in store for me, then!

Last TV Show Watched?
Just finished watching Series One of Damages. Can't believe my favourite character shot himself. Series Two is currently in my Amazon basket...

Last Time Showered?
This morning.

Last CD Played?
It's been ages since I actually played a CD. It's all about the iPod, baby. But I took Tom McRae's King Of Cards downstairs to listen to while I was wrapping up presents on the dining room table. So that's the answer. King Of Cards by Tom McRae.

Last Item Bought?
I appear to have just bought all seven series of The West Wing. And all because someone said I might quite like it a little bit. I really should have rented the first disc just to try it out. But no... I do stupid things like this when I've just been paid!

Last Download?
Amy McDonald (who?!) and her quite amazing cover of Mr Brightside.

Last Annoyance?
Those cunting little kids on the plane to Spain playing the fun game of 'Let's Kick The Seat In Front Of Us Until The Person Sitting In It Feels Quite, Quite Sick'

Last Disappointment?
Realising that things with a recent gentleman caller are probably not going anywhere, other than down the pan. That was a bit of a disappointment.

Last Thing Written?
Other than all the words above? Erm... The last thing I wrote was an email to several people at work, explaining why - as always - I am right and they are wrong.

Last Words Spoken?
"Shit"

PS: Your Boy

Sorry I'm trying to change my past,

Can you give me just one more minute?

Postcard From An Empty Beach

Wish you were here...