"Mmmm... Gimme them Milk Tray! Mmmm... Me LURVE a Caramel Swirl. And a little bit of Devonshire Fudge for myself. Naughty Rita... Nom Nom Nom..."
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Monday, 13 December 2010
I Was Wrong... Rita SURVIVED!
"Mmmm... Gimme them Milk Tray! Mmmm... Me LURVE a Caramel Swirl. And a little bit of Devonshire Fudge for myself. Naughty Rita... Nom Nom Nom..."
Saturday, 4 December 2010
Delays On The Weatherfield Line...
So... Coronation Street is 50 WHOLE ACTUAL YEARS OLD! Congratulations, Old Girl! To celebrate, Massive Doctor Who Homo Exec Phil Collinson (his actual full name) has decided to throw a tram at several of the residents. Plots are a closely guarded secret, as are the names of those set to perish. But I'll have a stab, anyway.
(Because the 'Who Killed Archie?' blog was so successful)
Wet-blanket cabbage-patch freckle-factory, Miss Molly Dobbs. She wot slept with Kevin Webster - a man who hasn't been sexy since he shaved off his 'tache in the 80'.
Helium-voiced chop-chopping baby-faced eunich, Mr Ashley Peacock. I know, I know... I thought he'd left YEARS ago too!
Leathery stalker-bint and offspring of 'er off Last Of The Summer Wine, Dame Charlotte Hoyle. Anyone who finds John Stape remotely attractive has clearly had a knock on the head. (But not as big a knock on the head as she's about to get, courtesy of Sir Stape's hammer... You heard it here first! Or in Inside Soap, possibly)
Bouffant-laden Rita Sullivan - Keeper of many a-pontefract cake and owner of a delightfully red bush. It's the 50th Anniversary. Surely they've got to kill off someone we actually CARE for? The other three, no-one gives a flying flange about, surely? But Miss Sullivan has been a major part of the community for almost ALL of Corrie's lifespan, and her sexual chemistry with Norris (and Mavis before him) is award-winning.
It would certainly provide the shock of the week. No-one expects such a major character to die. The other three, I'm guessing, are pretty much a foregone conclusion. There needs to be a surprise. And Rita's death would provide said surprise...
...And the tram does actually plough into The Kabin, with her inside it. Surely it's not bloody realistic for her to survive?! A tram. Driven at her head?!
(Because the 'Who Killed Archie?' blog was so successful)
Wet-blanket cabbage-patch freckle-factory, Miss Molly Dobbs. She wot slept with Kevin Webster - a man who hasn't been sexy since he shaved off his 'tache in the 80'.
Helium-voiced chop-chopping baby-faced eunich, Mr Ashley Peacock. I know, I know... I thought he'd left YEARS ago too!
Leathery stalker-bint and offspring of 'er off Last Of The Summer Wine, Dame Charlotte Hoyle. Anyone who finds John Stape remotely attractive has clearly had a knock on the head. (But not as big a knock on the head as she's about to get, courtesy of Sir Stape's hammer... You heard it here first! Or in Inside Soap, possibly)
Bouffant-laden Rita Sullivan - Keeper of many a-pontefract cake and owner of a delightfully red bush. It's the 50th Anniversary. Surely they've got to kill off someone we actually CARE for? The other three, no-one gives a flying flange about, surely? But Miss Sullivan has been a major part of the community for almost ALL of Corrie's lifespan, and her sexual chemistry with Norris (and Mavis before him) is award-winning.
It would certainly provide the shock of the week. No-one expects such a major character to die. The other three, I'm guessing, are pretty much a foregone conclusion. There needs to be a surprise. And Rita's death would provide said surprise...
...And the tram does actually plough into The Kabin, with her inside it. Surely it's not bloody realistic for her to survive?! A tram. Driven at her head?!
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Friday, 3 December 2010
Runny Yellow News #3
Bex came meandering along to join me on my Brum-based soujourn for a couple of days. We spent silly amounts in Selfridges Champagne Bar, silly amounts in the German Christmas Market (Mmmm... Deep-fried Camembert) and spent silly amounts on cocktails (AND THE BEST PUDDING EVER) in cow-tongued mockney cheese-twonk Jamie Oliver's Italian restaurant. It made a complete farce of the diet (NOT) Derrick Evans has got me "following".
Nowhere on the sheet of paper that he thrust into my weary, chest-press-knackered hands did it say I could eat 'Pistacho Souffle With White Chocolate Ice-Cream and Shortbread'. More's the pity.
But I can start that diet next week. Brum is about treating myself. I can start on the Yams and the Flax Oil On Rye With Whey Powder & MORE FUCKING YAMS next week. Yes. I will. But for now, while I'm in Birmingham, I indulge.
(And what in the name of Rula Lenska is a YAM anyway?!)
Although I've been naughty on the foodage front, I DID actually manage to spend an hour in the hotel gym with Bex. Our first joint exercise session, which is ridiculous, given that we're running the marathon TOGETHER and probably need to know what the other is capable of. But for the first time under one roof, we did some proper, sweat-inducing exercise. LOOK:
Nowhere on the sheet of paper that he thrust into my weary, chest-press-knackered hands did it say I could eat 'Pistacho Souffle With White Chocolate Ice-Cream and Shortbread'. More's the pity.
But I can start that diet next week. Brum is about treating myself. I can start on the Yams and the Flax Oil On Rye With Whey Powder & MORE FUCKING YAMS next week. Yes. I will. But for now, while I'm in Birmingham, I indulge.
(And what in the name of Rula Lenska is a YAM anyway?!)
Although I've been naughty on the foodage front, I DID actually manage to spend an hour in the hotel gym with Bex. Our first joint exercise session, which is ridiculous, given that we're running the marathon TOGETHER and probably need to know what the other is capable of. But for the first time under one roof, we did some proper, sweat-inducing exercise. LOOK:
Proof.
Proof, as if my word wasn't enough.
So don't moan at me for not eating my YAMS, (NOT) Derrick Evans. At least I did SOMETHING good on my week off.
I'm worried, though. Bex and I don't have much will-power, and get very bored VERY easily - I'm worried that we won't be able to keep up the good stuff in the face of further temptation. I'm worried that we just won't have the enthusiasm to keep up with the training. So (NOT) Derrick Evans has been given another cheque, in the hope that he'll continue to push me and force me into training. While Bex and I have also decided to do a 12-mile runny thing in JANUARY to test the water.
So. Let's see how that goes.
I'm genuinely curious as to which one of us will be the first to say: "THIS MARATHON WAS A STUPID IDEA. LET'S JUST GO TO BRIGHTON AND GET DRUNK, INSTEAD."
I hope neither of us will. Think of the damage to my pride. Think of how disappointed (NOT) Derrick Evans would be with my cowardice. Think of the sponsorship money. Think of THE CHILDREN!
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Proof, as if my word wasn't enough.
So don't moan at me for not eating my YAMS, (NOT) Derrick Evans. At least I did SOMETHING good on my week off.
I'm worried, though. Bex and I don't have much will-power, and get very bored VERY easily - I'm worried that we won't be able to keep up the good stuff in the face of further temptation. I'm worried that we just won't have the enthusiasm to keep up with the training. So (NOT) Derrick Evans has been given another cheque, in the hope that he'll continue to push me and force me into training. While Bex and I have also decided to do a 12-mile runny thing in JANUARY to test the water.
So. Let's see how that goes.
I'm genuinely curious as to which one of us will be the first to say: "THIS MARATHON WAS A STUPID IDEA. LET'S JUST GO TO BRIGHTON AND GET DRUNK, INSTEAD."
I hope neither of us will. Think of the damage to my pride. Think of how disappointed (NOT) Derrick Evans would be with my cowardice. Think of the sponsorship money. Think of THE CHILDREN!
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