Saturday, 4 December 2010

Delays On The Weatherfield Line...



So... Coronation Street is 50 WHOLE ACTUAL YEARS OLD! Congratulations, Old Girl! To celebrate, Massive Doctor Who Homo Exec Phil Collinson (his actual full name) has decided to throw a tram at several of the residents. Plots are a closely guarded secret, as are the names of those set to perish. But I'll have a stab, anyway.

(Because the 'Who Killed Archie?' blog was so successful)

Wet-blanket cabbage-patch freckle-factory, Miss Molly Dobbs. She wot slept with Kevin Webster - a man who hasn't been sexy since he shaved off his 'tache in the 80'.

Helium-voiced chop-chopping baby-faced eunich, Mr Ashley Peacock. I know, I know... I thought he'd left YEARS ago too!

Leathery stalker-bint and offspring of 'er off Last Of The Summer Wine, Dame Charlotte Hoyle. Anyone who finds John Stape remotely attractive has clearly had a knock on the head. (But not as big a knock on the head as she's about to get, courtesy of Sir Stape's hammer... You heard it here first! Or in Inside Soap, possibly)

Bouffant-laden Rita Sullivan - Keeper of many a-pontefract cake and owner of a delightfully red bush. It's the 50th Anniversary. Surely they've got to kill off someone we actually CARE for? The other three, no-one gives a flying flange about, surely? But Miss Sullivan has been a major part of the community for almost ALL of Corrie's lifespan, and her sexual chemistry with Norris (and Mavis before him) is award-winning.

It would certainly provide the shock of the week. No-one expects such a major character to die. The other three, I'm guessing, are pretty much a foregone conclusion. There needs to be a surprise. And Rita's death would provide said surprise...

...And the tram does actually plough into The Kabin, with her inside it. Surely it's not bloody realistic for her to survive?! A tram. Driven at her head?!


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