It sounds like the sort of ‘fan fiction filth’ you can find dotted around the internet. Places like Nifty. Apparently.
You know the thing...
Harry Potter and Ron Weasley do a naked cuddle
Merlin & Prince Arthur, in the Caves of Drucilla, polishing their armour
Rod, Jane & Freddy lube up Bungle’s bugle
Except THIS, you genuinely couldn’t make it up.
As if lifted from the pages of a really specialist Nifty tale, details have come to light concerning TV “favourites” The Krankies and their rather exuberant approach to love making.
Married for 43 YEARS, Ian Krankie (78) and his son/lover Wee Jimmy Krankie (103) have confessed to having various affairs during their 70’s and 80’s fame, and sharing an ‘anywhere, anytime’ attitude to sexy happenings – including rumpy-pumpy in a boat (which accidentally swept across to France while mid-jizz) and on a Jersey golf course. Save the ‘hole-in-one’ jokes.
“Jersey was good”, said Wee Jimmy – part-woman, part-ventriloquist dummy, part-raisin.
I read the full transcript of their ‘Kiss N’ Tell’ – Kiss N’ Told by The Krankies themselves, bafflingly, as if they had a pantomime to promote – in a silent, depression-strewn office at three in the morning. No-one speaks. No-one makes eye contact. It’s like a morgue.
And suddenly, this deathly dull habitat was interrupted by, what I can only describe as: ‘Hysterical, high-pitched, body-trembling, watery-eyed, red-faced, gaffaw-ment’ lasting about seven excruciating minutes. It was like trying not to laugh at a funeral. The more I looked around at the cold, dead-eyed mutes populating the lifeless work environment, the harder and louder I laughed. I was crying. Tears of absolute joy and laugher.
Why?
Why the enthusiasm?
Because if it wasn’t enough that this AMAZING scoop had appeared on my screen at work, causing endless disbelief at the images of Wee Jimmy Krankie’s dad/lover “running around housing estates naked” – the scoop itself contained the most blissful sentence ever uttered.
Quite honestly the finest sentence of all-time.
Ian Krankie figured out that Wee Jimmy’s schoolboy vagina was being diddled by a big-cat tamer and “complained that his wife smelt of leopards”.
The affair was rumbled because Wee Jimmy Krankie SMELT OF LEOPARDS.
Actually amazing.
-
You know the thing...
Harry Potter and Ron Weasley do a naked cuddle
Merlin & Prince Arthur, in the Caves of Drucilla, polishing their armour
Rod, Jane & Freddy lube up Bungle’s bugle
Except THIS, you genuinely couldn’t make it up.
As if lifted from the pages of a really specialist Nifty tale, details have come to light concerning TV “favourites” The Krankies and their rather exuberant approach to love making.
Married for 43 YEARS, Ian Krankie (78) and his son/lover Wee Jimmy Krankie (103) have confessed to having various affairs during their 70’s and 80’s fame, and sharing an ‘anywhere, anytime’ attitude to sexy happenings – including rumpy-pumpy in a boat (which accidentally swept across to France while mid-jizz) and on a Jersey golf course. Save the ‘hole-in-one’ jokes.
“Jersey was good”, said Wee Jimmy – part-woman, part-ventriloquist dummy, part-raisin.
I read the full transcript of their ‘Kiss N’ Tell’ – Kiss N’ Told by The Krankies themselves, bafflingly, as if they had a pantomime to promote – in a silent, depression-strewn office at three in the morning. No-one speaks. No-one makes eye contact. It’s like a morgue.
And suddenly, this deathly dull habitat was interrupted by, what I can only describe as: ‘Hysterical, high-pitched, body-trembling, watery-eyed, red-faced, gaffaw-ment’ lasting about seven excruciating minutes. It was like trying not to laugh at a funeral. The more I looked around at the cold, dead-eyed mutes populating the lifeless work environment, the harder and louder I laughed. I was crying. Tears of absolute joy and laugher.
Why?
Why the enthusiasm?
Because if it wasn’t enough that this AMAZING scoop had appeared on my screen at work, causing endless disbelief at the images of Wee Jimmy Krankie’s dad/lover “running around housing estates naked” – the scoop itself contained the most blissful sentence ever uttered.
Quite honestly the finest sentence of all-time.
Ian Krankie figured out that Wee Jimmy’s schoolboy vagina was being diddled by a big-cat tamer and “complained that his wife smelt of leopards”.
The affair was rumbled because Wee Jimmy Krankie SMELT OF LEOPARDS.
Actually amazing.
-
